i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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