Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
