The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
