he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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