She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
