I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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