What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
