we have officially lost it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
