i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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