8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
