I think I died a long time ago.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
