Apparently you make a good broom.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
