to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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