Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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