dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
