he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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