who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
now i know why i became what i already was.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sext me about skeletons
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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