i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We had to coat check the pizza.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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