When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
