haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
