Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize