Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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