before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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