Farmville is her only friend.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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