How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
