Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
