So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you had me at cake vodka
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
