God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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