So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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