i barfeds in our rink
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
