We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
