I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
