No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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