Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
