Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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