non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
