I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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