Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
