There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
