He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
