even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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