I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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