man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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