dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
