Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
