Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
