HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
