Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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