i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize