After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize