so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
