Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
