you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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