somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
