My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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