I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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