she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
