Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
