Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
