either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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