As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
