What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
