Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
