Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Less talking, more tequila
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
