after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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