Will you blow on my dice?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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