just tell him i said nine months
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
