i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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