She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
