I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
