If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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