I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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