Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
