I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
