At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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