who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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