you have to choose: penises or morals?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
