She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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